I Want to be Me Page 8

  Elfie was having a conference with Tom and Roger and when they saw Julia they called her over. Julia had become a member of the inner group. Elfie brought her up to date. ‘It’s like this, Julia. Finn and I went into Old College last Friday on a “search and discover”, in disguise, of course. I’ll give you a full account of what’s going on there later, but the long and short of it is that we have to do something different, even spectacular, to get through the preliminary final next week.’

  ‘Isn’t what we are doing good enough?’ asked Julia.

  ‘They have a brilliant violinist – Chin Li – we need to offset that somehow. He’s so good that he’s very likely to steal the show completely if we don’t have something to put up ourselves.’

  ‘How do you think we can do that?’ asked Tom.

  ‘I spent most of last night thinking about it. It’s a tricky situation. There is one option. If we surprise them in the free choice – really surprise them with something really good – it might be just enough to get us into the final. We can regroup after the preliminary. We have to think of where we can be strong. I think we should look at a string quartet, and also some options for featuring soloists. We should have a good look at where our strengths are.’

  ‘Violins and maybe something from the wind section,’ said Julia. Elfie nodded, and so did Tom. They both thought that this might be their strength.

  ‘So, we have to find our best players. I’ve asked Tom to do that now, this morning.’

  ‘Is that all?’ asked Tom.

  ‘One other thing, it might seem strange, but secrecy is terribly important. We know now why Sloan has been so bad, coming around the way he has, and spying on us. There are dark forces at work in the college at the moment, and they’ll stop at nothing to win this competition. I’ll give you the full story over lunch, but now we need to get on with things.’

  Julia was really intrigued by all of this, and couldn’t wait to hear more about it over lunch. However, she was concerned for Finn.

  ‘What about Finn?’ she asked.

  ‘I can’t speak highly enough of young Finn,’ Elfie said. ‘He’s got a great heart – and he is very talented – but this Chin Li…’ Elfie shook his head.

  And so, on that lovely Sunday morning, with the River Isis sparkling at their feet, small groups of instruments went this way and that, watched closely by Tom Tuba. Claudia was of course with the winds – flutes, oboes, clarinets and bassoons.

  Then they broke up into smaller groups and spread themselves along the bank of the river. There was a large number of geese at the edge of the water just below them. At the first sound of Roger’s clarinet, they took off in spectacular fashion and landed down river in a more protected spot. On the other side of the river, almost immediately opposite, Claudia noticed three anglers, with their tackle, nets and long rods. It always amused her to see how they dressed up in waders, and how large their tackle boxes were – all just to catch some little fish.

  Roger seemed to be in charge of the winds. He asked each person to play a short piece. Claudia was worried about all of this and, when her turn came, she just wanted to jump into the Isis. Roger saw how worried she looked. He’d tried to reassure her. He was very aware of how young and inexperienced Claudia was in this kind of situation.

  ‘Just a few minutes of something, Claudia – anything you like. We’re all with you,’ he said. Claudia knew a piece called ‘The Afternoon of a Fawn’, by Debussy. She braced herself and looked up into the sky for inspiration. She saw some white clouds billowing over the hills in the distance, and, although she couldn’t see it, she imagined her falcon soaring up high on the wind.

  She tried to be free with her music, as free as that bird, and drew everything she could from her flute. It was a few moments of pure joy for her, because she loved to play this piece. When she finished, there was silence.

  ‘That’s it! I’ve stuffed it,’ she thought. ‘I shouldn’t be here.’

  Roger put his hand on her shoulder.

  ‘That was quite, quite marvellous, Claudia,’ he said. ‘I really didn’t know – I had no idea…’ his voice trailed off. Several of the others nodded and smiled, and Ingrid tapped her flute.

  ‘They must have liked it after all,’ Claudia thought. The strings had finished their session, and Julia wandered over and sat down next Claudia.

  ‘I heard your piece,’ she said. ‘Beautifully played. You’ve got your own special style. It’s different somehow.’

  Claudia wasn’t quite sure what she meant exactly but then Julia went on to talk about Elaine.

  ‘That’s what those silly violins didn’t understand about Elaine. Gosh, how we need her now!’

  They walked along the riverbank a short distance, and then stopped and looked at the river, which was flowing quite strongly. Julia looked across at the anglers on the other side of the river.

  ‘Did you see that?’ she suddenly exclaimed.

  ‘What?’ Claudia asked, looking across to the opposite bank.

  ‘The third fisherman to the right. He’s got binoculars!’ Just then, Tom and Roger turned up.

  ‘Tom, look over there, that fisherman is spying on us! Do you think it might be Sloan?’ Julia asked. Everyone stared across the river at the three fishermen. One of them had a pair of binoculars in one hand and his long rod in the other. He was dressed exactly like the others, with a beanie on his head and wearing long waders. However, Tom wasn’t easily fooled.

  ‘That’s Sloan all right!’ he said, raising his fist and waving angrily. ‘I’d recognise that face anywhere! He’s not using those binoculars to spy on the fish!’

  Dr Oliver Sloan, on the other bank, realised that he’d been discovered yet again. He stood up and scowled. Just then, there was a powerful ripple in the water. Sloan’s fishing line went tight, his rod bent savagely and, caught off balance, he went headfirst straight into the river.

  Everyone was stunned. Then they started to laugh as Sloan’s scowling face bobbed up and down as he was taken downstream by the river and a very large fish. Tom was absolutely howling with laughter.

  ‘Has Sloan got the pike, or has the pike got Sloan?’ he shouted out. For some strange reason Sloan held onto his rod and was in fact being dragged downstream by the pike. ‘He’ll end up in London at this rate.’ Tom was still shaking with laughter.

  ‘They’ll pull him out at the bridge,’ said Roger. ‘Look, you can see some people gathering down there, waiting for him to get there.’

  ‘If they’ve got any sense,’ said Tom, ‘they’ll pull out the pike and leave Sloan in the river!’

  When the ungrateful Sloan was eventually pulled out downstream, tangled up in fishing line and covered in weed, he angrily abused his rescuers and then stormed off towards the city, wet to the skin and completely humiliated.

  Meanwhile, Tom told the people who had been chosen for the quartet, and also those who had been chosen as potential soloists. Julia was one of those in the soloists’ group, and she was absolutely delighted. But the big surprise was that Claudia was also chosen as one of the wind soloists.

  ‘Why?’ she asked Julia.

  ‘Come on, Claudia,’ Julia said. ‘You know why. You’re just going to have to get used to it. You can’t go on being the shrinking violet forever, you know.’

  Claudia was silent. This was new. There was clearly no running away from a straight-talking Julia.

  ‘What are you saying?’ she asked Julia, defensively.

  ‘I’m saying – come and have some lunch,’ Julia replied. ‘Stop thinking about things too much; just relax and learn to be happy. Look, there’s a good spot over there! I can’t stay long – I have to go and talk to Elfie about what happened at Old College. But I’ll have one sandwich with you.’ They sat down on the bank. Claudia felt that she understood the situation with Elaine much better now, but she was still curious about ho
w Julia saw Ferdinand. She asked Julia directly.

  ‘Good-looking, talented, really nice guy. But life is cruel sometimes,’ Julia said wistfully.

  Claudia thought she’d better change the subject. ‘What do you think of the idea of the quartet?’ she asked.

  ‘Who really knows? We have to find out where we can be good. In the end it’s up to the judges. Often they’re looking for something a little different, or they’re impressed by performers who have some kind of flair. That’s where Old College has an advantage with Chin Li. I wonder how they got him. They say he’s very young.’

  ‘That makes it tough for Finn?’

  ‘He’s trying his very best. I’ve heard that he’s been practising day and night. I only hope that he can keep up the pace.’

  At that moment Julia caught sight of Roger waving her over to join Elfie and Tom for lunch. ‘I have to go, but when we’re finished why don’t we walk home together?’

  ‘Good idea. See you later then.’ Claudia thought it would be quite nice just to sit down and enjoy the rest of her lunch by herself. She was surprised to be joined by Antonio, the exchange student from Italy.

  ‘Mind if I join you, Claudia?’ he asked. Claudia was a little surprised. She just nodded back to Antonio. He sat down next to her. She thought he was an especially good-looking young man. It seemed that he wanted to talk to her about his town, Spoleto, back in Italy. Apparently he had been quite impressed by Claudia’s playing.

  ‘It’s a marvellous place, is Spoleto,’ he said. ‘It’s an old hill town, and it’s a place where music is so important. We have a music festival every year. When I heard you play the flute just now, I thought that it would be wonderful if you could come and play at our festival. Would you like to do that?’

  Claudia had never been asked such a question before, and didn’t know what to say so she just mumbled back ‘I don’t know. Maybe. Perhaps.’

  ‘Fantastic. My uncle is the mayor, so I’ll make sure that you, and your parents of course, get an invitation. Well, I’d better get back to my group, but that’s good news. See you later, Claudia.’

  When would the surprises stop? Claudia finished her lunch and slowly walked back to her group, wondering where all this was going and where it would end.

  Late that afternoon, on their way back home, Julia told Claudia about what Elfie had found out about what was going on at Old College. Claudia had the distinct feeling that she was being drawn into some kind of game. Julia was convinced that there were dark forces at work that were determined to get control of one of Oxford’s oldest colleges. Like Julia, she was actually quite excited by it. She kept peppering Julia with questions about what Elfie had told her. Julia was very upfront.

  ‘No wonder Sloan has been so desperate. He may feel that he’s won already, but that could be an advantage to us. They don’t know about our plans to do something different. A great pike in the Isis saw to that!’ she laughed. ‘There is one other thing, though, that is rather interesting. Finn said that when he went down into the dungeon there was another old wooden door at the end of the corridor. I just wonder what’s behind that door.’

  ‘Would it help if we knew?’

  They walked along a little further. Julia was deep in thought.

  ‘I would like to find out! It certainly would be fun to try. Are you game, Claudia? Maybe after school – one day next week?’ Claudia didn’t hesitate.

  ‘Yes – that would be a lot of fun!’

  ‘I know,’ Julia said. ‘If other people can use disguises, then so can we.’

  ‘What disguises?’

  ‘Two little girls from school, of course! You’ll be in your uniform, and I think I can still look like a sixth-former in my old one. Hopefully no one will take any notice of us at all. I’ll bring an instrument; it won’t be the viola, it’ll be something easy to carry. They’ll think we’re there for a music lesson or something.’

  In the remaining time that it took to reach the gate, they agreed to meet on the following Wednesday afternoon.

  ‘Just tell Kate you’ve got something on after school. The worst that can happen at the college is that they’ll chuck us out.’

  That evening, well after dinner, lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling, Claudia thought about what had happened and what was happening. There were so many questions, but no real answers. She really felt that she had changed. Exactly how she wasn’t sure. She definitely felt better about herself. It was as if she had become part of some great game. However, the game was exciting. She didn’t want to leave it. She simply had to play it out. She went over to her MySpace.

  What is this change?

  See it

  Face it

  Do something

  Anything!

  It was a wet Monday. Kate Ashby looked out the lounge room window and watched Claudia walk off to school. She was wearing her mackintosh, and as the rain got heavier she put up her tartan umbrella. She soon disappeared around the corner of St Margaret’s Church, where Kate usually played bridge on Monday, but that had been cancelled for this week. It was such a drab, wet day that she decided to clean and tidy up the house. After some vigorous vacuum cleaning downstairs, she moved to the upstairs bedrooms.

  For a while she stared at Claudia’s closed door. She noticed the new handwritten sticker that said ‘My Cave’. However, this only made her more curious. Feeling just a little guilty, she opened the door and went in. As expected, the room was a complete mess. There were books and shoes on the floor. Books and papers were all over the place, and the furniture that Claudia had moved had stayed moved.

  Kate had a fond memory of the extremely tidy room of just a few weeks ago. She moved further into the room but had decided not to touch anything, to respect Claudia’s new need for privacy. She did notice the large print of Aragorn on the wall. That was definitely new, she noted. She saw that the wardrobe door was open, so she peeped in.

  There was a bag in the corner that seemed to have clothes in it. Claudia’s washing, she thought. At least she’ll thank me for doing that. She opened the bag. The contents brought a look of shock and horror to her face, and she let out a muffled cry. After a minute or two she stuffed the bag back in the wardrobe and hurried downstairs. Tears had begun to run down her cheeks. She reached for the phone and dialled a number.

  ‘Jane,’ she said. ‘I am just so, so upset. You wouldn’t guess – this just can’t go on!’

  When Claudia arrived home that afternoon, she immediately noticed that something was wrong. Her mother seemed stressed again: she didn’t ask Claudia about school, and went off to the kitchen and fussed about there. While they were having dinner, Claudia noticed that her mother was staring at her and that her eyes were red, as if she’d been crying. Claudia decided she’d had enough, but so had Kate. They both spoke almost at once.

  ‘Mother, I need to talk—’

  ‘—Claudia, we have to—’ The words ‘need to talk’ pulled Kate back. ‘Go ahead, Claudia. Say what you want – I’m listening.’

  ‘I’ve got a problem. It’s a problem I’ve had for quite a while. I didn’t want to talk about it before, because –’ Claudia hesitated, then decided it was all or nothing and ploughed on ‘– because it’s embarrassing, and I thought that talking about it would only make it worse.’

  Claudia now had Kate’s absolute attention. Kate remembered Jane’s advice from the telephone call that morning.

  ‘If Claudia wants to talk to you, Kate,’ she had said, ‘for goodness’ sake, button up and let her talk.’ This was it. She kept quiet and just nodded reassuringly at Claudia. Claudia went on.

  ‘There’s a bunch of girls at school; they have been very nasty to me. Not just now. It’s been going on for a long time. Years. Well, at least two years.’ Claudia stopped. She had expected her mother to react, but her mother just sat there. She was actually listening and seemed in
terested.

  ‘Go on, Claudia,’ Kate felt that she had to say something. ‘Tell me all about it, dear, I’m very interested.’ Encouraged by this, Claudia did go on.

  ‘They usually say nasty things. In the playground they throw stuff, and in class if I say anything or even do anything good, they flick things at me when the teacher’s not looking. And I get nasty messages. E-mails, texts. All the time. Really nasty!’

  ‘This has been going on for two years?’ Kate asked. ‘Who are these girls?’

  The main one is Stella. She really hates me and she has a group of four or five who do whatever she says.’

  ‘This is dreadful. How have you managed? My poor dear—’ Kate remembered Jane’s advice and held herself in check. She had to let Claudia talk.

  ‘Well, at first and for quite a while I didn’t know what to do, and when I didn’t do anything they got worse. So I tried to avoid them. You know, get to the classroom fast, go to the library, stay away from where they are, all that kind of stuff.’

  Kate could barely control herself. She had never realised never understood why Claudia was so quiet, so alone and seemingly so without friends. She put her head in her hands and stifled a sob.

  ‘Mother, don’t cry, please!’ said Claudia. ‘Things are getting better – I am dealing with this. Please, Mother, listen to me!’

  Kate knew that she had to get a hold on herself. She did. She wiped her eyes with a tissue. ‘Please go on, Claudia, tell me everything!’

  ‘I am finally seen this for what it is. It’s silly, ridiculous, and I’ve started treating it like that. And I’ve got a new friend at school, Louise – she’s the school tennis champion. Just today I was sitting in the schoolyard having lunch and Stella threw a tennis ball at me. Well, Louise pounced on it, rushed over to Stella, said something to her and shoved the ball down her jumper. Stella took off like a scared rabbit. So things are changing. I’ve got other friends too, who give me very good advice.’ Claudia stopped there. She didn’t want to say anything about Julia and her other new meadow friends.