I Want to be Me Read online

  ‘So, I’m feeling a lot better now. Things will get better and better. I’d like to talk to you about things – when I want to – just to get a bit of advice from time to time.’

  ‘Of course you can!’ Kate was overwhelmed. This was the longest talk, in fact the only talk she’d had with Claudia for a long time. It was something she had desperately wanted.

  ‘Can I ask you something, Mother?’

  ‘Yes, of course – go ahead – anything.’ Kate was curious.

  ‘Why have you been so cross lately? I’ve heard you crying. What’s the matter?’

  Kate knew that this was a crossroads. She had to be completely honest. Claudia would know right away if she was anything less.

  ‘I’ve been terribly worried about you, Claudia, for quite a while. Also, your father’s off in Saudi Arabia and really the only person I can talk to is Jane and she’s a very busy lady.’

  ‘What are you worried about?’

  ‘You’ve been so hard to talk to, and you keep to yourself so much, and I haven’t seen much in the way of you having friends.’ Kate hesitated, then went on. ‘I had absolutely no idea you were having these problems. Only today I was up in your room to collect some washing. I didn’t mean to intrude, but I found a bag of clothes – and, well, I was shocked. The cardigan was cut and there were ink marks all over a school shirt. Who would do a thing like that?’

  ‘It happened last term. I don’t know who did it. It upset me at the time, but now I see it as just being stupid. If it was Stella, it’s probably because she’s jealous because I’m good at some stuff.’ Claudia could see her mother was upset and she wanted to calm her down.

  ‘Don’t worry, Mother. I’m okay now, and I’m not going to let that lot upset me anymore. I am going to do what I want to do!’

  Kate noticed a real firmness in Claudia’s voice. She sounded very determined indeed.

  ‘Are you sure you can handle this by yourself, Claudia? I’d like to help.’

  ‘You can help just by – letting me talk about things – you know – just a chat. That would be very good. But I’m fine now, I really am.’

  ‘Of course! I’d love that, Claudia. I’m your mother, but I want to be your friend too.’ Kate had a sudden inspiration. ‘It would help me too, you know, if I had someone to talk to as well. It is very hard for me with your father over in Saudi Arabia. I’ve actually been quite lonely.’

  Julia was right. Kate needed her. Claudia responded instantly, and with some enthusiasm.

  ‘Great, Mother. We’ll talk about our problems together.’ Claudia hesitated for a moment, and then quite sincerely asked ‘Would you like me to call you Kate? You know – if we’re talking about stuff…’

  Kate swallowed, took a deep breath and looked across at her little girl, who was clearly growing up fast.

  ‘Of course, Claudia, if you’d like to – I don’t mind at all. In fact, I’d quite like it.’

  They talked for a good while longer, about a whole lot of things. About Father, Jane, Kate’s own life at school, until eventually they both went up to bed. As she climbed the stairs, Kate did not know whether to laugh or cry. She was probably doing both. She had found her daughter, found a friend, and most certainly found a brave girl. The problem really didn’t matter anymore. She was sure that they would move on together. Claudia slept very well that night. She felt much better for talking things over with Kate. Julia had been spot on. The loud snores from Kate’s bedroom suggested Kate was also having her best night’s sleep for quite some time.

  7

  The Secret Vault

  I see you, stone face,

  You see me and you like me not.

  But you are only stone, stone face,

  And I don’t care.

  Claudia. MySpace.

  On Wednesday afternoon, Dr Sloan sat in his study at the college, still fuming over the previous Sunday. The encounter with the porter and the master was especially etched in his mind. It hurt him to think about it.

  Dr Sloan looked around his room. It was adequate, but small compared to others in the college. He deserved a much better room, more in keeping with his status as head of music. Helen Brown had a much bigger one that looked over the square. That room would be most adequate for his needs.

  ‘Wouldn’t it, Mozart? We deserve a bigger room, don’t we?’

  Dr Sloan’s one weakness was his cat, Mozart. He was extremely fond of it and spoilt it utterly. He talked to Mozart all the time, and Mozart, for his part, listened patiently to Sloan’s moody outbursts, either from his large basket or from a special place at the top of the high bookshelf that he managed to get to by clambering up piles of books. Mozart was a tabby cat. He had lovely whorls of white and brown fur, and he also had a very lazy disposition.

  ‘We’re meeting with Mr Jenkins this afternoon, aren’t we, Mozart? We’ll move it all along. It won’t be long now, Mozart, believe me! And that Chin Li – he’d better produce the goods!’

  Sloan raised his voice quite sharply. Mozart immediately left the basket and went up to the top of the bookshelf. It was a much safer up there. Mozart knew when Sloan was in a bad mood. He’d already seen a most upset young man rushing out of the room that same afternoon.

  The previous Sunday afternoon, Oliver Sloan had arrived back at Old College in a most dreadful state. He was wet and muddy and his waders, looked ridiculous in the high street. On the way to the college, he squelched mud and water. He was unbelievably angry and as he approached the college gates, blamed Elfie and his orchestra out loud and swore revenge. Old Herbert, the head porter, was quite bewildered by this soggy sight.

  ‘And where do you think you’re going, sir?’ he demanded. Under the mud, Sloan’s face went quite red.

  ‘I am Dr Sloan. Give way and let me in, you old fool!’ he ranted. Old Herbert was not to be put off. He knew his duty.

  ‘You don’t look like Dr Sloan to me, sir. Show me your college card!’ Of course, Sloan didn’t have it. The pike might, but Sloan certainly didn’t. Sloan began to get very angry. Fortunately for Herbert, the master happened to be walking past.

  ‘He says he is Sloan, Master, but I can’t see it,’ said Old Herbert. The master stepped up to Sloan and took a closer look.

  ‘Oh, I think I can, Herbert,’ he said. ‘It’s in the nose, you know. It’s all in the nose. Been swimming, Sloan?’ he asked flippantly.

  ‘No, Master – fishing!’ Sloan choked, immediately regretting this admission.

  ‘Must say – you don’t smell fishy. Of course, I’ll take your word for it,’ said the master drolly. ‘No luck again, Sloan? Becoming a bit of a habit – I can see that,’ he sniffed, and ambled off to his study.

  ‘Dr Sloan, sir, you’ve left a puddle there, sir,’ Herbert said, pointing at a growing puddle of murky water around Sloan’s feet.

  ‘Well clean it up!’ an enraged Sloan shouted most unkindly, as he charged off through the gates.

  From that Sunday until this Wednesday, Dr Sloan had done nothing but think of his humiliation. He knew that he had to restore his standing with the master, and that to do that he must succeed in winning the orchestra competition. His one chance of becoming someone really important in the college depended on it. He would talk to Jenkins this afternoon. Some hard decisions would have to be made in this college in the near future. There were some people who would regret crossing him.

  For Claudia, Wednesday at school passed fairly uneventfully. The exam timetable went up, teachers started to suggest revision topics and the usual wave of exam panic started. However, Claudia was focussed on her meeting with Julia, and when at last school finished she rushed off to the main gate. At first she couldn’t see Julia, but then she sighted a schoolgirl on the corner, and, unbelievably, it was Julia.

  ‘Do you like my disguise?’ Julia asked ‘I was amazed that I could still wear it. I walked pas
t several people I know very well, and they just didn’t recognise me.’

  ‘I can’t believe it,’ Claudia said. ‘I simply wouldn’t have recognised you myself, so I think you will pass for one of us very well indeed. By the way I’ve had to bring my flute along – it was music today,’ she added.

  ‘That’s actually good, because if we have to we’ll say we’re visiting the music department, so the flute will make it look more convincing. We’d better get moving. It’s about a 20-minute walk, and that’s if we take some shortcuts.’

  They walked through University Park, along the river where students were out boating. Claudia had been through this park before on a school excursion. She loved the trees. It was one of the best collections of trees in all of England, and as she walked along she could recognise the oaks, sycamores, alders and birches. It was a beautiful walk. Just sitting on a park bench was pleasant, and people who had enjoyed doing that in the past had left their names inscribed on the timber benches. One name that stood out was the famous J.R.R. Tolkien, her favourite author.

  They went into the main college area by way of a backstreet. Claudia always found these college backstreets fascinating. Stone heads jutted out from the walls, and at night they could be scary. But they were just old stone. Soon they were at the entrance to Old College. It was indeed an old college. It had a huge timber-panelled entrance, beyond which were iron gates, and the porters’ room was on the immediate right as you went in.

  ‘What’s your plan?’ whispered Claudia.

  ‘Finn told me about the old keyring, and so I know about that. I checked it out the other day and there’s a large keyboard just inside the door on the right-hand side. There are only two bundles of keys that have very old keys on them, and I thought I saw a tag on one of them that said “master only”. We need to get one of those two bundles.’

  ‘But how?’ Claudia was a little concerned at the risk involved in doing something like that.

  ‘I’ll distract the porter. You slip in and grab one of those bundles while he’s out of the room and put them in your schoolbag. Job done!’

  Claudia was now terrified. ‘What if he sees me?’ This was way out of Claudia’s comfort zone.

  ‘He won’t, and, even if he does, I’ll think of something,’ Julia said confidently, stepping into the entrance. It was too late for Claudia to pull back. Julia was already talking to the porter.

  ‘Please, sir, could you show me the way to the music department?’ she asked sweetly.

  ‘Do you have an appointment, young miss?’ asked Old Herbert, as he came out of the office to show Julia where to go.

  ‘The professor said to come to the music department,’ Julia said, thinking quickly. ‘This is Old College isn’t it? We had to come to Old College.’

  ‘Yes, it is indeed,’ replied Herbert. He was used to students turning up like this, and liked talking to them.

  ‘Why do they call it that?’ asked Julia.

  Herbert was asked this all the time, and he actually loved answering this question, so as Julia moved out into the square he came with her, enthusiastically explaining the name of the college. He said that it had everything to do with when a college was built compared to when other colleges were built. Julia was a little confused by his explanation, but she gave him one of her sweetest smiles.

  ‘Very interesting. You do know everything. Thank you very much.’ She turned to Claudia. ‘We’d better hurry or we’ll be late.’ They hurried off towards the clock tower.

  ‘Did you get them?’ Julia asked.

  ‘Yes I did,’ gasped Claudia. Her cheeks were flushed, almost crimson. ‘What have I done?’ she asked.

  ‘Don’t worry. We’ll put them back in just a little while. Come on!’

  Once at the clock tower they quickly went inside, down the first set of steps, found the side passage to the old iron door, and then went down the long flight of steps, until they eventually came to the huge dark timber door that they had been told about. This was clearly a door that belonged to another age.

  Julia tried the largest and oldest key on the ring and with some effort got it to turn, and they both pushed the door open. Once inside they saw the long tunnel, with another huge door at the very end. Julia closed and locked the first door from the inside, just in case. Julia had a torch, which they decided to use instead of putting on a light, in case someone came in while they were there. They walked down the tunnel towards the door at the end.

  They saw the door on the right-hand side that had the instrument collection that had been described by Elfie.

  ‘We’ll pop in there later if we’ve got time,’ Julia said, ‘but our main task is to go through that door.’ She pointed in the direction of the great door ahead. Claudia thought that the whole place was really creepy. It had an old musty smell, some of the stone walls were damp and there were cobwebs everywhere. It made her feel awful. When they reached the great door, they were both struck by its beauty. The timber on the door had obviously been worked by a tool, perhaps an adze, and it seemed to ripple in the torchlight. It was crisscrossed with iron lattice.

  ‘I haven’t seen anything like this before,’ Julia said. ‘This was, once upon a time, a very special door. Why put it here, I wonder?’

  She tried each of the keys on the ring, but none of them would work. This was a worry. Maybe someone had the key to this door somewhere else. Julia used her torch to look around the door and on the floor.

  ‘Look, you can see a scrape there, and these hinges have some oil on them. They’re not rusted. We just don’t have the right key.’

  All seemed lost. ‘Let’s go,’ said Claudia, anxious to get out of there as soon as possible. Julia, however, was not leaving or giving up just yet. She began looking behind old boxes, and under some of the old barrels that were near the door. While she was doing this Claudia leaned against the frame of the door. She just wanted to go – the whole place gave her the creeps, and getting out there was the only thing on her mind. As she nervously ran her fingers up and down the side of the door frame, she felt something hard sticking out of the edge. She pulled at it, and out came an old key.

  ‘I’ve got it, Julia!’ she called out. ‘It was in the door.’

  ‘Great work, Claudia,’ Julia said, grabbing the key. ‘Couldn’t do without you!’ She turned the key and suddenly the door was open. It was pitch-black inside and Julia’s torch simply cut a beam of light through the blackness.

  The light fell on a small table not far in front of them. It had several half-burned candlesticks and matches on it. Julia went over and lit two candles. The candle light threw a ghostly hue over the great vault in front of them. Julia and Claudia instantly drew back in fright as dark and ghostly figures appeared in front of them. One of these figures appeared to be brandishing a sword, and another spear, and yet another stood behind a shield. Julia took hold of Claudia’s arm.

  ‘Steady on, Claudia, they’re not moving.’ Claudia was gritting her teeth. She was determined not to be afraid – or at least not to show it. After a minute that seemed like an hour, Julia lit several of the other candles and slowly moved forwards, placing them so that there was more light in the vault. They both then moved slowly around the room, trying to take it all in. The vault itself was absolutely huge. Julia started touching figures and handling objects. A sword fell and clanged on the floor, frightening the life out of them.

  ‘I don’t believe it. I just don’t believe it.’ Julia eventually exclaimed. ‘This is a collection of old sculptures, figures, busts, masks of famous people. Look, some are marble, over there – some bronzes, that one over there and the one next to it – they look like gold!’ Julia could not contain her excitement, and holding a candle moved further into the room, grabbing at this and grabbing at that.

  ‘It’s not just sculpture: there are musical instruments as well, but some I find hard to recognise. I think that some of
them come from the East. Look at this one here – it’s clearly an Aeolian harp!’

  ‘What’s this?’ asked Claudia, holding up what appeared to be a gold lute.

  ‘My goodness,’ said Julia. ‘That looks like…’ She took hold of it and held it up. ‘It is – I think, an original Egyptian…’ She put it down and moved over to where some more items were piled on a low table. She picked up a mask of some kind. ‘Come over here, Claudia!’ she called out. ‘Look at this! It’s a death mask of – I think it’s Mozart! Here! here!’ There was a small faded yellow card on the table. There was a note written on it in old copperplate handwriting. ‘Genuine Death Mask of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.’

  Underneath it there was a signature. G.K. Gilchrist, 1889 Oxford.

  ‘This alone is invaluable,’ Julia said ‘This stuff is an absolute treasure trove. It’s beyond value.’

  Julia decided that it was time to go. They placed the candles back on the table and snuffed them out one by one. The mysterious awesome great vault and its ghostly figures descended back into darkness. Julia locked the door and replaced the key, and then they both moved back down the tunnel. They had done what they had come to do, but as they walked down the tunnel Julia could not walk past the other door.

  ‘I must see those instruments. It won’t take a minute.’

  Claudia wasn’t keen to spend even another minute down in that dungeon. She pulled Julia’s arm anxiously, but Julia’s blood was up and there was no stopping her.

  ‘We should go! We might be found out. Let’s go while we can!’

  ‘Stay cool, Claudia,’ urged Julia. She managed to open the great door and then pushed it wide open. It was immediately clear that this vault was not nearly as huge as the other one. It was narrower, and all kinds of instruments were mixed up together around the walls and in the centre of the room, both on the floor and on tables. Julia and Claudia walked around the pile of instruments in the centre of the room. Julia seemed to have some kind of special knowledge of these instruments and was quite ecstatic about the violas and also two or three double bassoons.