I Want to be Me Read online

  ‘About what?’ Elfie was growing more and more concerned.

  ‘Well, the second violins didn’t like the way she was playing. They asked her… I gather… but I don’t know… nicely… to change a few things. That’s when it happened.’

  ‘What happened?’ Claudia could see that the professor’s patience had just about run out.

  ‘There was a big blow up. She said she would play it her way or not at all. She said she had her own style and that was it.’

  ‘Indeed she does have her own style. That’s the whole point. That’s why she’s so good!’

  Now Tom looked even more glum, and started spinning his tuba.

  ‘And then?’

  ‘That’s when things really started to go bad. Ferdinand joined in, and unfortunately, instead of supporting Elaine, he said he thought the second violins had a good point.’ Ferdinand was the lead violin and something of a star in the orchestra. It was rumoured that he and Elaine were rather close.

  ‘And?’

  ‘Disaster! Elaine screamed at him. She said he’d gone too far… she called him a rat. Yes… a rat! And then she said she was leaving. And leave she did. She took off… with her harp in tow, over to Boar Hill.’

  Elfie put his head in his hands. Claudia stepped back. This was heavy stuff. She looked over towards Boar Hill. In the distance it looked like any other tree-covered hillside. But she had heard vague rumours about Boar Hill. People talked of strange goings on up there. And Elfie looked decidedly upset.

  ‘There’s more, isn’t there?’

  ‘Well,’ said Tom, warming to his task of giving bad news. ‘You know Ferdinand has a soft spot for Elaine… to be truthful, we all know it’s a very soft spot. He’s angry with himself, because he thinks he’s let her down. He’s very unsteady at the moment.’

  ‘All we need! He’s been unsteady for the last month!’ said the professor. ‘We may be able to manage without a harp – only just – but we need Ferdinand badly. We have to keep him steady or we’re sunk. Anything else, Tom?’

  Surely not. There couldn’t be anything else. Claudia thought Elfie was huffing and puffing. He clearly wanted to win, and it was all going downhill fast.

  ‘I’m afraid there is. Flute is away sick… but that’s it, that’s everything!’ Tom was relieved to get all the bad news out of the way. ‘Anyway, you brought a flute with you, didn’t you, Claudia?’

  ‘Claudia is just visiting, she’s just visiting for today.’

  There was a moment’s silence. Tom and Elfie looked quite uncomfortable. Usually Claudia was shy with new people, but she suddenly piped up, ‘I could try.’ She put her hand over her mouth. Where had that come from? It was so quick, it took her breath away. It had just popped out.

  ‘Can you play a little Strauss?’ Elfie asked.

  ‘A bit,’ said Claudia. She could play that, and quite a bit more.

  Elfie thought for a moment. ‘No harm in filling in for the day. Tom, take Claudia over to the winds and introduce her to a few people. She’s already met Ingrid. We’ll start rehearsal in about 10 minutes. Claudia, don’t worry… it’s just for today; Flute will be back on deck quite soon. Thanks for the offer, by the way… it’s nice of you.’

  Claudia was excited beyond belief. Just a few minutes ago she was sitting in her deckchair reading a book, and now here she was, actually about to play in a real orchestra! Tom picked up his huge tuba and walked over to a small group of people holding wind instruments. He introduced her, using Elfie’s quaint way of naming people.

  ‘Claudia, meet Roger Clarinet, Phil Bassoon and Claire Oboe. Oh, and this is Julia Viola.’ Claudia turned towards Julia. Julia was quite young, no more than 19 or 20 years old. She had jet-black hair, blue eyes and a very winning smile. She held her hand out to Claudia.

  ‘I’m just visiting the winds for a chat. We’re all pretty friendly here… welcome!’

  ‘I’ll leave you in good hands, Claudia. By the way, over there is our first violin, Ferdinand. We think he might make the difference in the competition.’

  A few metres away, standing on a small rise, there was a handsome young man. He had long jet-black hair, just like Julia. He had sharp, angular features and he was dressed very snappily. He was wearing a black leather jacket over a pink shirt. He had on black trousers and what appeared to be riding boots, and he was holding a highly polished violin. Claudia saw that, as Ferdinand talked to the other violins, he waved his violin around in the air imperiously. When the tall, red-headed young violinist tried to say something, Ferdinand rudely interrupted him. Claudia thought that Ferdinand had a very good opinion of himself, almost certainly too good an opinion!

  ‘Good-looking, isn’t he?’ said Julia.

  ‘Do you like him?’ asked Claudia.

  ‘Yes, I do, but as luck would have it he’s besotted with Elaine… you know… the runaway harp.’

  Claudia thought that there was a touch of sarcasm in Julia’s tone. Perhaps Julia and Elaine didn’t get along.

  ‘I heard,’ said Claudia. As she stood there, she felt her stomach tighten, and her thoughts seemed to freeze. The dark cloud was hovering again. Why was she here? Could she really do any of this stuff? There didn’t seem to be anywhere to hide! There was a sharp rap. Elfie called everybody to attention.

  ‘Good morning everyone! You’ve all got a practice piece for this morning. I’d like you to work in your sections for about an hour then we’ll try the piece as an orchestra.’

  Roger motioned to Phil, Claire and Claudia, and they moved away to a quiet spot. Claudia thought Roger seemed to be quite nice. He was young, probably at university or high school, because there was a crest of some kind on his jacket.

  ‘Claudia, welcome again,’ he began. ‘And thanks again for filling in. Would you be too embarrassed to play us something you know, just so that we can see where you’re at?’

  Claudia started to shrink up inside and at this point just wanted to run off.

  ‘Don’t be silly, Roger’ said Claire. ‘Claudia can just follow along. She’s only a young girl after all!’

  ‘I’ll play something,’ she said, quite surprising herself. It had been an instant reaction to an innocent remark, a knee-jerk response to what had sounded like a put-down. That was a sound that Claudia detested, one that was making her life at school unbearable. It brought out that aggressive streak in her, the same streak that made her panic the horses.

  ‘Good girl! What’ll it be?’ he asked. Roger handed her a flute from a carrier bag.

  Claudia decided to play a piece that she had been practising. It was a scherzo called ‘Midsummer Night’s Dream’. She began playing, and soon became quite lost in this piece that she loved, and she gave it her all. This was a special place for her, her very own space, a space where she felt calm, even happy. When she finished playing, everything seemed deadly quiet. Then there was applause, loud applause. She looked around. Everyone was clapping, not just her little group. She couldn’t believe it.

  ‘Brilliant, just brilliant,’ said Roger.

  ‘That’s real talent!’ added Claire. ‘I’m really glad you’ve joined us.’

  Suddenly it seemed that Claudia had gone from just being the stand-in to being a full member of the orchestra. In any case, she was excited because she’d proved something to herself, and she was a little embarrassed as well, for attracting so much attention. She was even more embarrassed when Elfie walked over and patted her on the back.

  ‘You said you played a bit, Claudia – not like that! Fantastic! We’ll talk some more later. You know, I might be able to talk you into joining us. We’ll see, anyway… you can think about it.’

  They seemed so nice. Too nice. Claudia desperately wanted to believe them, but school had put a doubt in her mind. That dark cloud that wouldn’t go away! However, Claudia thought that this was just the best day for a long time. Ge
tting praise from people she barely knew was really something. A good day was worth having!

  ‘Back to work, everyone! We need to have a full rehearsal soon.’

  Everyone went off in their own group to practise. Claudia sat on the grass with her group. She looked around her. It was quite a sight, and she was excited and happy to be part of the scene. She did notice that the violins did not appear to be a happy group. Ferdinand in particular would occasionally get angry, and at one point he threw his bow on the ground. Claudia felt sorry for the other violinists. They were clearly upset, and Finn, the tall one, looked really out of sorts. Ferdinand was behaving badly. Then she thought of the poor cyclist on the towpath. Was she any different to Ferdinand? She hoped she was, but was she? Deep down, she really wanted to do good stuff, not bad.

  Then someone called out. It was time to come together again. Elfie had found some high ground and called on everyone to get into their correct position in the orchestra. The violins were at the front, then the winds, then the brass and drums. As she moved into her position, Claudia caught sight of a figure behind a bush at the edge of the clearing.

  ‘Claire, who’s that?’ she asked, pointing her flute in the direction of the bush. Claire looked over at the bush.

  ‘Could be anyone, perhaps a tramp or even possibly Dr Sloan spying on us. He’s a dreadful person. You know, Elfie said that the last time he came to watch us he disguised himself as a tramp. Fancy that… just to spy on an orchestra! And, of course, we had the horses yesterday!’

  ‘That’s weird, really weird!’ said Claudia, now feeling deeply guilty about the horses.

  Elfie soon had them hard at work and after an hour or so, he seemed quite happy with the way it was all going.

  ‘Listen everyone! You’re playing quite well so before we have a lunch break… sorry it’s a late one… we’ll do the whole of the first part of the piece. So give it your best!’

  Elfie stood very still, as conductors do, and raised his baton. Before he could bring it down, however, a beautiful sound drifted over the meadow towards them. It was a lingering sound that seemed to drift on the light summer breeze that was blowing in their direction. Everyone was very surprised and looked in the direction the sound was coming from.

  ‘It’s Elaine!’ called out Tom Tuba.

  ‘It’s coming from over Boar Hill way!’ another called out. Julia Viola moved over next to Claudia.

  ‘It can’t be that far away,’ she said to Claudia.

  She pointed in the direction of Ferdinand. He had reacted immediately to the sound. His head was back and he was staring wistfully in the direction of this quite lovely sound of the harp. Then, suddenly, in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

  ‘Ferdinand has bolted!’ called out Roger. He turned to Claudia and Julia.

  ‘That’s bad for us, very bad indeed!’

  The sweet sound of the harp continued, drifting over everyone. Elfie immediately tried to reassure people that everything would be all right.

  ‘I’m sure we can sort this out. There’s been a misunderstanding. Take a break for lunch, everyone, and we’ll see what can be done to fix things up. Tom, Roger and Julia, would you join me over here for a moment? We need to talk.’

  ‘Join me for lunch afterwards, Claudia, if you’d like to,’ Julia said to Claudia.

  She walked across to join the others and they then went into a huddle. Meanwhile, the music kept drifting over them, ever so faintly but still distinctively. Claudia was quite confused. Nothing like this had ever happened to her before. At the same time, it was strangely exciting. Who could say what would happen? Over in the group of four, Elfie was trying to find out what had really happened to Elaine.

  ‘What I know,’ said Roger, ‘is that she was asked to play her bit to fit in with the others and she lost her temper!’

  ‘That’s not what I heard,’ said Julia, ‘I heard that she was told – rather, instructed – not to play with her own style, and that she was made to feel awful, almost as if she didn’t count!’

  Tom hesitated for a moment, and his thoughts drifted back to the incident. His memory was clear.

  ‘Do what we’ve asked you, please, pretty please!’ Ferdinand had wheedled. ‘Just for once, will you just do it?’

  Elaine’s eyes had flashed. She had drawn herself up to her full height, tossed her long mane of red hair, and fired back. ‘I’m not being consulted, you excuse for a human being. How dare you speak to me like that!’

  Ferdinand’s jaw dropped. He was instantly seriously wounded. But Elaine was far from finished.

  ‘Not only am I a better harpist than you’ll ever be a violinist, but I now know I’m a much better person!’ There was more but Ferdinand was already on the ground, stunned and out for the count, and Elaine was on her way.

  ‘Elaine definitely got put down, mainly by the other violins,’ Tom muttered, covering up a bit for Ferdinand. They still needed him.

  Elfie was really angry. ‘I’m the conductor! I decide these things, not the violin section. Elaine definitely has her own special style, but that was what was going to make our orchestra stand out from the rest! And now Ferdinand has gone as well.’

  ‘Ferdinand didn’t speak up for her,’ said Julia, somewhat passionately, ‘and it’s clear now that he feels badly that he didn’t stand up for her. And he should have!’

  Just then, the wafting sound of the harp stopped. Just for a moment hopes rose. Maybe Elaine was coming back with Ferdinand. Maybe he had coaxed her into coming back. Then, a new sound started up, stronger than the first, a beautiful combination of the harp and violin. They were playing together on Boar Hill. All hopes were immediately dashed.

  ‘Now we do have a huge problem, a huge problem,’ muttered Elfie.

  He looked very down, Claudia thought. At the same time, she noticed a tramp-like figure moving away from the bushes where he was last seen. She saw his face and he was wearing a wicked smile, as if this had been a great afternoon for him. ‘I’ll bet that’s the dreaded Sloan,’ thought Claudia. She sat down on the grass and put her head on her knees. What an exciting afternoon! All gone, all finished too quickly. She wanted it all to go on, this strange new world, but now this looked most unlikely. ‘What’s going to happen now?’ she said out loud. ‘I was having fun.’

  3

  The Plan

  The orchestra spread out across the field, as old friends and new friends gathered for lunch. Claudia found a well-grassed spot and sat down, not quite knowing what to do. However, Julia came along almost immediately and joined her.

  ‘Would you like a sandwich, Claudia?’ she asked. ‘I noticed you didn’t bring a lunchbox.’

  ‘That’s kind of you – I’m actually very hungry after everything that happened. I’ll just have one if you don’t mind.’

  ‘I’ve got an extra bottle of water as well,’ Julia added.

  Claudia was still confused by the morning’s events.

  ‘Why did all this happen? It’s spoilt everything.’

  Julia thought for a moment. ‘I can only guess, but I think it’s probably a combination of jealousy and ignorance, you know, what people don’t understand they tend not to like. You see, Elaine as you know is great with her music, but she’s also a little strange. She has different ideas about things – some people would say she’s creative, but she also does rather odd things. She’s been known to turn up to practice wearing non-matching shoes, can you believe it?’ Julia laughed.

  ‘A bit like Elfie?’ Claudia giggled. She felt a bit more relaxed now.

  ‘You’ve got it all in one,’ said Julia. ‘Maybe that’s why he likes her. I think he’d do anything to get her back, and Ferdie too, of course. What happened this morning is a real gift to Sloan and that whole stuck-up lot from Old College. There are two other teams in the competition, two schools from the local area. In my view, they’re a much nicer
bunch. Would you like to go for a walk up onto the ridge? You get a good view of the meadow from there.’

  They got up and slowly walked to the top of the bank. It was still early afternoon and Port Meadow looked magnificent. Some small sailing boats had come out onto the Isis and were flitting about like little white moths, and further down towards the lock rowing crew were going through their paces. In the hills beyond the Isis Claudia thought she saw a falcon hovering high in the wind. She had seen it before, and it was a magnificent bird that she loved to watch, but today it seemed a little further away.

  Claudia felt happier than she had for some time, and she didn’t know why. She hadn’t met anyone quite like Julia before that she felt she could talk to and who seemed to understand her. Perhaps Julia could be her friend. She could hope for that, anyway.

  ‘Julia! Can you come over here for a moment? And would you bring Claudia?’

  It was Elfie, calling from his lunch spot. As they approached they could see that Tom looked more than pleased with himself.

  ‘Tom Tuba has come up with a clever plan,’ Elfie announced.

  Tom seemed to expand even more. He was a big bluff man from the north. He had a big, toothy grin and liked to think that he spoke bluntly.

  ‘Tell us all about it again, Tom, for the benefit of Julia, Roger and Claudia,’ asked Elfie.

  ‘My clever plan,’ said Tom ‘is to get Ferdie and Elaine back to the orchestra today, this very afternoon!’

  ‘And just how might you do that?’ asked Julia, looking very doubtful.

  ‘What does a cat like?’ asked Tom. He answered his own question. ‘Why, milk, of course!’ Tom grinned a wide toothy grin at everyone. ‘And what does a dog like?’ he asked again. ‘Why, a bone, of course!’

  ‘What in heaven’s name have a cat and dog got to do with this?’ asked Roger, clearly thinking that Tom was having a bad one.

  This question only made Tom grin even more, if that was possible.

  ‘You’ve missed the point, Rog!’ said Tom. ‘I propose to entice them back with the very thing that they can’t resist!’